Enemy of Myself
by The Nightosphere
Summary: Severus Snape survives the war, but is haunted by its horror, coupled with his own tragic life. Remus Lupin slowly befriends the man, and learns more about the tormented Potions Master. Snape/Lupin, written in small chapters, will contain slash later.
1. Chapter 1

Enemy of Myself

This is a simple story I will write on a little bit at a time. I was thinking about fan fiction I had read back in the 2000's, and wanted to write what I remembered from then, for nostalgia for myself out of anything. But with a post-war point of view. Snape/ Lupin slash

Severus inhaled the fragrant potion as it bubbled. Fresh spring water, owl feathers, dried wildflowers, and other pleasant things stewed in the light pink liquid. He was making a simple Grow-All potion for Professor Sprout, who had requested the potion for her new nursery.

Hogwarts was slowly coming back from the destruction. The hell-driven invasion that had caused its walls to crumble had left scars. Walls were still down in some corridors, and many windows still needed to be replaced. The Great Hall was still scarred with burns from curses, and people avoided the spot where Lord Voldemort perished as if it were a hallowed site.

Severus thinned his lips as he stirred quietly. He was still healing himself, and it had been a horridly abysmal experience. Harry Potter had vouched for his innocence, sparing him the Dementor's Kiss. Sometimes, though, Severus wished he had died. He wished he had fallen like the others, instead of being saved by Kreacher at the very last second, per Potter.

Severus came back, to praise to his sour astonishment, and returned to an old friend. To the oldest friend he had ever known, the kind lady Loneliness.

Severus moved away from the desk and settled down in his chair. His robes were the same, thick black wool which draped over his thin body like curtains. The buttons that ran down the front of his frock coat were deep green, and glittered in the candlelight. His gloves were torn and sweaty from work, but his hands were thin and shaking. He inhaled deeply, still basking in the scent of fields and streams and skies. It was a nice smell, which reminded him of the woods in which he had once resided. Memories for another time.

The coal cloth swept around the small frame of a man, and buried him as he slumped in his chair in a desperate attempt to sleep. If only he could sleep. He had been trying to sleep without using Occlumency, but his mind was so full. It held secrets, horror, and death. The war, coupled with his own tragic life, haunted him. It haunted him like a great snake which lurked always in corners and shadows. He peeked through a hole in the thick fabric of his robe, and dreamed two large, yellow eyes looking upon him with bared fangs.

He blinked, and the sorry vision vanished. His trembling did not.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the review! I appreciate your feedback. Also, I want to let ya'll know I always welcome criticism. I've never had a writing class, and that is the only way I find out about where to improve. :p

Chapter Two

Severus was ill. The Great Hall was full of bustling laughter, delicious food, and clear, blue skies. It was, all in all, a perfect day for a Quidditch match. The teams from each house were all dressed up, swishing from table to table in their Quidditch robes and paraphernalia. Luna Lovegood stood at the end of the hall with a massive lion which had been conjured up by a Gryffindor. The creature blinked lazily at the students as Luna brushed her hands through his fur.

Dumbledore would have loved it. Severus scoffed into his soup. Too bad he was such a bastard. Severus blinked as a hand quickly slid into his personal space, grabbing a salt shaker. He looked up and saw Remus Lupin salting a hamburger steak. His lips were thinned as he salted his food, which made him even more war-torn looking. A scar sat across his face from the war.

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said softly, without looking up. His eyes moved slowly up and fixed on Severus's own. "How are you doing today?"

Severus swallowed, not knowing what to say. But, appearance was appearance. "Nothing that matters to you, Lupin." He snarled dryly. He really did have no interest in the former Maurader. He was also stressed, and looking for a victim to whip with his hatefulness.

"Are you feeling any better?" Lupin asked, probably assuming it wouldn't bother to ask.

Severus tensed at the question, still eyeballing his full bowl of soup rather than eating it.

"That is, as well, not any of your concern, Werewolf. I am going to the dungeons to finish some work; hopefully I won't be bothered by any of this Quidditch nonsense."

Lupin began spooning potatoes out of a bowl, "You should come join us, Severus, it's the first Quidditch match since the war."

Severus scoffed, loudly, "Of course it is, and I really don't care about watching some brazen fools chase quaffles and snitches all day."

Lupin sighed audibly as Severus stood and left out of the back door.

It looked like Severus Snape would never change.

The stone corridors were echoing the sounds of a house settling, slow and creaky. Everyone, including all of the house elves and ghosts, were down at the pitch. The Golden Trio had arrived, and Severus could hear Potter's speech about bravery and friendship from the tower in which he was hiding. He stood on a small terrace that overlooked the stands and pitch. It was crowded, and Severus was suddenly very glad he didn't go. He didn't like going to places full of people.

The pain in his neck was throbbing, and conjured a soft chair to sit in while the speech from Potter continued. His body was rattled in pain, and all he wanted to do was lie down. Perhaps after a few minutes, he would go back to his own chamber and nap.

A whistle blew, loud and shrill, across the grounds. Severus watched as all of the teams flew around the pitch, whooping down at the crowd as charmed lions, ravens, and badgers appeared in the air. The gold and silver animals swooped over the cheering stands, roaring and rearing back to the pleasure of the crows. A particularly large lion stood on its hind legs, and let out an immense roar to enthusiastic applause.

Severus cocked his head, amused that there were no serpentine creatures on the field or in the sky. Of course, it was still too soon for Slytherins to really expect any different. Not many of them had to stayed to defend Hogwarts, and almost everyone knew that now.

However, there had been a few that had fought, and died. Severus bitterly scanned the skies for aurors. The few Slytherins that had survived that fight had earned a certain amount of respect from the world, and they faced much less ostracization from the rest of the student body. The others kept to themselves which, for the most part, was best for everyone.

Stretching his aching legs, Severus sat back and let his eyes wander to the forest. The forest was full of memories for him, some of them too painful to bear. He conjured a cup of warm earl grey, and tried to focus on the game- his trained eyes never leaving the snitch.

The dreams were worse. He dreamed of his mother dying, beside him, as the Bad Man left her side and straddled his waist. He screamed out for help, and as the warm hands of this monster clenched his hips, the faces would change. He was in a forest, held by the throat by a larger boy. He trembled as magic overflowed his body, trying to crush the trees around him or apparate away. Severus gasped as blood fell from his nose, the pressure on his body becoming too great. He pushed at the boy, who gripped his throat tightly, and then began to grind against him. Severus's breath caught in his throat as he was thrown back through the tree, into a meeting with Voldemort. Severus coughed blood as Voldemort's curse flew through him, punishing him for betraying the dark side.

Severus screamed.

The sheets were covered in sweat and urine, as Severus climbed out of the tangles. He cried out softly, ashamed that someone might see. He knew that no one would. That didn't stop him from immediately casting a cleaning charm on everything on the bed, and hurrying to the bathroom. He pulled his soaked nightshirt off and looked down at his chest. The scar was burning, and had started to turn red. It was always going to be there. At least he could hide it well, unlike the Nagini's bite. He did not dare look up at the mirror, for fear he would see his ugly face covered in tears. He knew he was crying. He had started when he saw the face of his mother, as he was prone to do during that particular dream.

The shower was small, but had a small shelf with an assortment of soaps and creams. Before the end of the war, Severus had never kept such things in the shower. He had always used plain soaps, when he did bother to bathe. He had begun to accumulate small things since his return to Hogwarts. He often made small trips to London to escape Hogwarts and the wizarding world. Having all of his unspent savings, and no one to buy things for, he had started to, surprisingly, spend it all.

He had bought luxury soaps, new clothes, strange odds and ends to decorate his chambers, and many books. All of it was muggle, and he hid it all as if its discovery would be the end of him. He dared not let a single soul see him in his favorite muggle clothing, a gray tee shirt and loose fitted jeans. He wore it around his quarters at night and on weekends, while he read his new books.

It was peaceful, and it was hard to get used to.

Remus Lupin scanned the tables, looking for his son. Teddy had not gone to daycare today, and the seventh year Gryffindor were currently entertaining him somewhere. Lupin tried not to worry about his son, but he couldn't help himself sometimes.

Teddy's little head appeared from beneath the table, and a group of girls scooped him up and began cooing at him. Teddy was laughing, loud and bubbly.

Severus was stirring his soup, debating on when to add the poison. It was just a small amount, and it wouldn't really hurt him. It would just help the death he longed for come a little faster. He was pulled from his thoughts by bursts of giggling from beneath him, where Teddy Lupin was currently wiggling and kicking a group of Gryffindors. He was more like Tonks than Lupin.

Severus saw the distraction, as the staff pointed and laughed at the small child, and poured a smidgen of venom in the soup.

Remus stiffened.

Severus had just shoved the stopper back into his vial and put away his bottle, but he still looked guilty.

Remus ignored the man for now, though he seemed more keen on eating his soup than he had been in weeks. Remus wondered if Madame Pomfrey had changed his regimen, but didn't know how to ask. It was none of his business, and not his place to ask. He turned back to his boy.

Severus could taste the sting of venom as it ran down his throat. He would hurt a little, but it would take weeks and much more venom to kill him. This was going to be a long process, long enough to get his affairs in order. Severus ignored Lupin. He would just wave it off as a new potion prescribed by the nurse.

The clock chimed at one, and Severus stood. Or at least, he tried to stand. Instead, he doubled over, groaning, as the floor slid away and the room began to spin reverse clockwise until he was on the ground wetting his pants.

Everything went black before anyone reached him.

"What the hell has he been thinking-"

"Fool, he's just a fool-"

"He's been poisoning himself for weeks, Minerva!"

"But why would he do such a thing!"

Severus's eyes twitched as he came back. The headmistress, the nurse, Lupin, Potter, and the Weasleys were all standing around his bed arguing.

"Has anyone been monitoring his potions?" Hermione Granger was squealing. She was rounder, Severus thought.

"I give him his potions every morning, and he has his own to take before he sleeps," Pomfrey was chiding, as if they should know better than to ask her if she knew what she was doing.

"He's been poisoning his food! I ran a diagnosis spell, and found the contents in a pea and lentil soup he had today, and yesterday!"

Lupin frowned. "I saw him do it."

Minerva twisted around to look at him incredulously, "And you didn't stop him?"

"I thought it was medicine. He was so quick about it. You know I couldn't question him-"

"When all of you are done discussing me like I am not here, I would like my robes back."

The groups whirled around, eyeballing him madly.

"SEVERUS SNAPE!"

Severus cringed, despite himself. He really did not want to hear it from Minerva today. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN DOING?"

Severus smirked, "Nothing that is of your concern, headmistress."

"Don't you dare put on that tone with me, child." Minerva seethed. She had her hands clasped, and she was staring him coldly over her horn-rimmed glasses.

"We know what you have been up to, and it ends today."

Severus looked away, "I haven't been doing anything differently than what I did before."

Potter snarled, "So you've been poisoning yourself for years now?"

Severus's stomach sank. Was the whole school going to find out now?

"I said it is none of your concern, especially yours, Potter!"

The group was still staring at him incredulously.

Pomfrey stood beside him calmly, though her face was still red. "How long have you been taking venom, Severus?"

Severus scoffed. He would not be interrogated again, especially in front of students. Or that blasted werewolf!

"Professor Snape, we don't want you to do this." Little-Miss-Know-it-All chided, as if she knew anything.

"I will do as I please," he replied coldly. "Now return my robes so I can go to class."

"You will be staying here this weekend," Minerva answered. "You can't walk."

"What do you mean-"

"The venom, Severus," Pomfrey poured him some water and mixed it with an elixir, "has been affected by the many potions you are on. Before the war, if you took it, it would have retained its slow-acting attributes. Now that you are on several medications to speed your healing process, you have also sped up the venoms. Your body is failing."

Severus blinked. "You're saying I'm dying, then."

Potter was beside himself, "You say that like you're looking forward to it!"

Ron snarled, "He already was. Didn't even try to move on!"

Severus lost it. "MOVE ON? TO WHAT?"

The group looked thunderstruck.

Minerva touched the bed rail, "He didn't mean to upset you, Severus."

"No, Minerva, please tell me, what do I have to move on to. I would love to know!"

Minerva's eyes glassed over, and she looked away from his eyes.

"You must have family, or someone-"

"Dead. They're all dead. Now go away, so I can die in peace."

Severus looked away from Minerva, but caught Lupin's brown eyes. They were wet, much like everyone else's. Was he really that pathetic?

"Can I be left alone, please?" he asked again, hoping the polite additive would make them comply.

"Yes, Severus," Minerva answered in a hushed a whisper. "Ring the bell if you need us."

Severus watched them go. They were probably going to do discuss what a hopeless case he was. He didn't care. He just wanted to sleep, and sleep forever.


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING: This chapter does contain violence. M

* * *

CHAPTER TWO

The room was dark and lonely, much like Severus's own chambers. He knew that this was merely his own perception, and that the room was probably very cheerful and homey. Madam Pomfrey was not known to keep her wing in a state of cold, calculative fear.

Severus knew that this came from within himself.

He closed his eyes, trying to think about lists of potions he had to prepare for classes this year. He found his thoughts fading more and more into a black stupor, which seemed to suck all of the happiness out of him.

The past was so hard to forget.

* * *

The house was dark. Crickets and insects made nocturnal sounds, sweet lullabies for a child. Severus was small for his age, with messy black hair and big, brown eyes. He was curled up in a tight ball, wary of the distant thunder rolling in the distance. He had all ready made his mind up to go get in bed with his mother at the first sign of lightning.

The lightning never came, nor did the day.

When Severus awoke, he was coughing. The smell which engulfed him was acidic, rot, and rust. The smell was scary, and Severus called out.

"Shush," whimpered the voice of Elaine. She was choking. Severus's small brain, much too intelligent for his own good, began reeling with possibilities of what had happened.

"Did Daddy come back and do something again?" Severus asked, frightened. Tobias was never a good man.

"No, no you're dad isn't here, baby."

"Shut up in there." A rough, harsh voice snapped through the dark. It was on the other side of a wall.

"Mummy, where are we?"

Elaine made hushing sounds, and wrapped her arms around him. "Just don't make any noise, I'm going to try to get us out of here. As soon as you get a chance, run out of the house, and go get Mr. Reed, ok?"

Severus nodded, but he was still confused. He didn't understand why they were suddenly in the floor, or why he was so numb.

The door creaked open, letting in soft streams of light. A tall man stood in the doorway, and Severus recognized him. He had worked with Tobias at the factory. He was shirtless, and his chest was covered with scratches. Severus sniffled. He was scared now, and confused about the whole situation.

"I need you, Elaine," he bent down over her, and Severus could see now that she was bound. "I love you, baby."

Elaine shrieked, scratching his face, "Run, Severus!"

Severus paused, he didn't know how to tell her that he couldn't feel anything. Nevertheless, he dragged himself up from the pantry floor, and sprinted to the kitchen. There was a loud grunt as a boot met Elaine's ribs, and Severus was followed.

"Come back here, you little runt!"

Severus dared not look back, but as soon as he reached the door, a hand wrapped around his arm and threw him back. Severus cried out as a large hand met his face, and he curled up as more blows came.

"DON'T HURT HIM, DON'T HURT HIM, YOU BASTARD!"

Severus could hear Elaine's cries over the thunder. His hearing slowly decreased as ringing swelled his senses. He was in so much pain!

Grant Lyle was angry. He was a furious man to begin with, but now he was absolutely and overwhelmingly livid. He grinned with satisfaction as the small child beneath him cried, his small hands bruised and swelling from being stomped on. The woman he loved was still screaming in the pantry. He seethed. He was going to have them both, one way or another.

Elaine reached out desperately as Grant dragged her out of the dark pantry where Severus was bound. He was unconscious now. She writhed against Grant, who carried her into the kitchen. He threw her on the kitchen table, and did as he pleased.

Severus was terrified. He had been trapped in the house with Elaine for two days. The both of them were bound. They had been given bread and water, but the injuries were untreated. Severus could not move. Elaine was, for the most part, incapacitated. Grant had broken her arm during the first rape, and was well on the second. Severus was still unable to cope with last night, when he had hurt her in front of him. He had lay on top of her, and moved against her in strange ways. She had cried, and told Severus to look away.

"I love you, mummy," Severus whispered through the black.

"I love you too, baby," she weakly answered.

Then she was silent.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes. The hospital wing was quiet. Too quiet. He wanted to be back in his quarters, reading his muggle books, and wearing his cotton shirt. This life, the magic, had been lost on him.

"I see that you are awake," Lupin's soft voice sang through the wing.

"What are you doing here, Lupin?" Severus snapped. "Here to spy on me?"

"No. Here to check on you. You're getting better. The venom is mostly out now, thanks to Pomfrey."

"Humph." Severus replied. "No help was ever needed."

Lupin sighed. "I do have some bad news for you though."

Glaring at Lupin with narrowed eyes, Severus frowned. "What, exactly, do you need to tell me?"

Lupin studied his shoes, "We're monitoring you from now on."

Severus's world spun. "You're what?"

"To keep your job, and not be sent to Mungo's for attempted suicide, you are going to be watched. Day in, day out."

Severus sneered, "And who, might I ask, is going to be doing this monitoring?"

Lupin looked uncomfortable. "It's still up to debate."

Severus scoffed, "Ha! I guess it won't be long before I'm in a straight jacket then!"

Lupin looked confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"None of you could stand to keep watch over me, I'd drive you crazy first."

Lupin grinned, despite the furious look on the potion master's face. "Actually, I was here to ask you who you prefer."

Severus looked confused now. "Who I would prefer?"

Lupin nodded, sitting down at a spare bed. "Yes. They want to know which order member you would feel the most comfortable living with."

"Living…..with…."

Lupin watched Severus's eyes glaze over with horror. He was being given a choice. A very unpleasant choice.

"You will live with one of us for three months, and then be reevaluated by Pomfrey. If you improve, you can go back to living on your own."

" But that's not fair!"

"You did get caught poisoning yourself."

"Which is my business, and mine alone!"

"Stop arguing, Severus. You have to make a choice in the morning. It's either me, or Harry."

Severus felt the room shift again, and he wanted to dive back under the covers and pretend the last ten minutes had never happened. He hadn't been careful enough, he knew that now. He swallowed smoothly, trying to straighten the sheets around his legs. This was the most horrible solution that group of idiots could have come up with.

"And you have to choose," Lupin continued. "Or you're going to be put in the hospital at the end of the week."

Severus seethed. He had just wanted to die in peace. Was that too much to ask?

* * *

Annabeth Volturi: Thank you for your review!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Death Eaters were assembled around a long, thin table. The cloaks were like shadows, but not human ones. The noses were too long, the hands to skeletal, and the movements to wired. They were liked nightmares wrenched from a madman's eye, and Severus hated them all.

"Snape doesn't know what he's talking about!" Bellatrix howled, pointing her ugly finger at him accusingly. "He's betraying us all!"

"Silence." Voldemort sighed, always so quiet. He was petting Nagini, the most evil creature in all of existence, as if she were some glorious child.

"Seeeveruuusss, isss it true?"

Severus stiffened. He shielded his mind harder, trying to hide away the memories of the small families he saved here and there. He gasped as Voldemort's slick mind snaked its way into his defenses, looking for clues. Severus dared not think about his secret trips to the villages, or the basements where he hid those he could fit there. He dared not think about murdering fellow Death Eaters in the dark.

"Seeeveeeruuusss," Voldemort hissed. He had found something. It was something Severus had, unfortunately, not hidden as well as he'd hoped. The dead face of a werewolf. It was an unassuming face of a dead man, but Voldemort knew him. The young man was a new recruit, and he watched with curiosity as Severus sliced through him with a skilled Sectumsempra.

"What did you do there, Severus?"

He blinked. The memory was gone, sinking back into his mind like a ghost. But he knew that he had been betrayed, and this time it was by himself.

"He got in the way, my Lord." Severus answered coolly. "Tried to fight me. I had no time for his arrogance."

Voldemort cocked his head. "I am not stupid, Severus. You killed the werewolf to protect the Order. I saw that much."

The group had begun to buzz. Not with chatter or giggling, but with the sheer amount of tension building in their bodies. It was like electricity was flowing through every one of them like conduits. Severus was thinking, thinking of all the ways in which this could go horribly wrong. His brilliant, too-smart-for-his-own-good mind came up with the decision much quicker than he would have liked.

"You muuust be puniiiissshed, Sssseveeerussss, dessspite your obeedience and faithfulness, you cannot defeend the Order in suuuch a way ever agaaain."

Black eyes sparkled around the table, except for the Malfoys. Their blue eyes were frozen in fear, as they always were these days. They themselves had been made fools for the Death Eaters. Now it was Severus's turn.

"I understand, Master." Severus stoically replied. He wasn't going to be a coward about it. He inhaled, waited, and stilled himself. Voldemort grinned.

"Can I do it?" a rather excited voice asked from the end.

Severus turned his head to see Bellatrix, reaching out with her wand.

"I would love to do it, Master, just let me!"

"No!" Voldemort snapped. "No one touches my favorite but me. Severus, stand!"

Severus was not happy about this at all, and as he stood he blamed all of the Order and their stupidity for this. He had already taken enough scars for them, he didn't want another!

"Now, my dear Severus," Voldemort slyly ran a hand down his shoulder. "I must say that I am greatly disappointed, but not surprised. SSSSECTUMSSEMPRA!"

He didn't expect that one.

Severus curled on the floor in agony, screaming despite his intention not to, as an imaginary blade struck his chest. He writhed, unable to hold down the torment, as it tore out of him and plunged back in.

"Maaaasteerer," he cried, holding the wound. He could feel the blade digging, killing him. It was excruciating. The only thing that Severus felt besides torture, was guilt at having created the spell in the first place.

* * *

Remus was tired. He had been sitting in his chambers for the better part of the morning waiting for Severus. A new room had been prepared, and many of Severus's belongings had already been brought and placed into a summoned room. Remus had tried to ignore the stranger things the house elves had not hidden. Most of Severus's belongings were in trunks, but a few odds and ends were left out. Blankets in purple and silver, a framed degree in Chemistry from the University of Oxford, a painting of the ocean, and a relatively new telescope.

Remus wanted to be nosy and go through everything, but he held back the temptation and waited in his armchair.

It had been a blasted miracle to get the stubborn man to make up his mind. He had no intention of ruining this chance to help him. He just prayed Severus would let him in.

* * *

Severus rubbed his chest. It hurt, despite his efforts to heal it. He dared not think what Madam Pomfrey thought when she examined him. She never said anything, out of respect of his boundaries, but he knew she knew. She had that look on her face…the one people have when they realize something awful. She wore it every time she looked at him.

It didn't matter. She would never know how deep his wounds really were.

Severus stiffly made his way to his new home. He was going to miss his chambers. He had considered turning himself over to the hospital, but his nightmares changed his mind. He didn't entertain the idea of being trapped, detained, and brainwashed by morons much longer than one night.

He chose Remus because that was the most tolerable. A:Remus wasn't Harry Potter, and B: Remus wouldn't restrain/beat him. He knew that much about the idiot. He would let Severus go on his little way to self-destruction, because Remus wasn't confrontational. Sometimes, Severus figured, that could be a good thing.

He knocked on the door, to be polite.

"Hello, Severus." Remus answered nicely. "The house elves have already made you a room."

"Wonderful," Severus sarcastically threw his cloak upon the cloak hanger. "I'm sure it's oh-so sophisticated. "

"Hmmm." Remus raised his eyebrow. "I'm sure you'll like it. The walls are purple."

Severus's lips curled. "What?"

Remus motioned his head toward the room, "The walls are purple. The house elves thought it might be more cheerful."

Severus snarled, "Of course they did." He threw the door open, glaring at his private belongings. He wanted to throw up. It was all of his things, his secret things, thrown about the room in a very house-elvish manner. He wanted to strangle something.

"You told them to do this!"

Remus blushed, "Not really!"

"Then why are you red!"

Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I told them to use the things you seemed to like the most. Apparently they got the impression that this is what you like…."

Severus tightened his lips. Never had he been so tired! He was on house arrest with Lupin, being poked at and prodded, and now his privacy was gone.

"I hate this," he snapped, and slammed the door.

Remus stared forlornly at the door. There wasn't much he could do, but try. Tonight, however, he would let Severus sleep.

* * *

Severus frowned. He enjoyed his purple room. It made him sick to his stomach to admit it to himself, but the color was a nice deep shade, and a big window overlooked the forest. He wasn't used to sleeping so high in the castle.

Remus made noises in the other rooms, making tea more than likely.

Severus stayed hidden in his room, trying his best not to throw himself out of the window.

* * *

Thank you for the reviews, everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for letting me know how you feel about the story, guys! I love the input. J I had a dream about this story last night, and needless to say, I think I like where it's going. It's going to take some time, though, as people don't just change overnight. ;)

Also, I want to apologize for writing such small chapters at a time. It's rather hard for me to fit writing into my schedule, so I just try to get what I can each day to keep writing for the sake of it. I also do it to prevent too many errors. Thanks for sticking with me!

Chapter Five

Severus stretched as he awoke, and regretted it immediately. His nerves froze with cold pain, as his body was still unable to cope with the years of trauma finally crashing down upon him. Severus would have given everything to be back in his tent, perfectly alone, in the woods.

He didn't trust any of the Order members, or their intentions. He believed in his heart that they were just trying to drag out his existence, in order to punish him for his crimes. He had repented, of course they didn't need to know that_. How many hours I have spent on my knees begging for forgiveness, from a God that probably doesn't exist, is none of their concern._

Severus pulled on a blue and white robe, and walked disgruntled into the bathroom. This bathroom had a mirror in it, unlike his own in the dungeons. He stared unhappily at his pallid reflection, sunken black eyes and messy, greasy hair. He was a dementor in human likeness.

"I sent for some breakfast, so you can take your potions here," Remus said from the dining table as Severus entered from his bedroom.

"Glorious," Severus snapped. He looked at the paper Remus was reading, wary of seeing an article about his suicide tendencies. Unfortunately, only a little digging would reveal Severus had tried quite a few other times to take his own life. Back then, Dumbledore had been playing Intervention.

Severus exhaled through his nose slowly, bitterly taking in the toffee-scent of Lupin's quarters. "So, where is your brat?"

Lupin rolled his eyes from behind his paper. "With his grandparents. They are going to keep him while you are living here."

Severus stirred his porridge, "Such a tragedy to be breaking up the family."

Remus frowned, though Severus couldn't see it. He knew what games to expect from the potions master. Sly, sharp remarks to offend him about his friends and family would be the first to come. Sneaking about and snooping would be the second. Throwing random ass tantrums, and throwing breakables would be the third.

"Yes, quite the tragedy. Actually, it will be nice to have the chamber quiet for a while."  
Severus stared blankly at the back of Lupin's newspaper. "If you want to call living with a crazed werewolf quiet…"

Remus sipped his tea, stood up, and retrieved a stone box containing Severus's potions.

He sat down across from him, opened the box, and smiled. "So which one first?"

Being force-fed health potions by a loser werewolf made Severus mentally lose it. He wanted to curse everyone in the castle, head-to-toe, and then throw himself off of a tower. Not the Astronomy Tower though, never the Astronomy Tower.

He sat back in his chair at the front of the classroom, ignoring stares and whispers as best as he could. They had all heard, and seemed keen on watching his every move now, in case he were to lose and go off his rocker completely.

Severus figured they would have paid for tickets to see it happen.

He was stocking potions ingredients in the stock room, humming a random tune to himself, when he felt it. It was a buzz down his chest, and then through his whole body. He paused and stepped off of the step stool, holding his head as white light overcame him. He whimpered, and fell.

Severus stayed on his side, playing with the green buttons that ran down the end of his right sleeve. He was transfixed by them, desperately trying to stay conscious as pain racked his body. There had been too much pressure, too much stress…Severus wondered if he could get back up before the next class began. He heard a door creak open, Had it really been that long?

He closed his eyes in dread as laughter filed into the room, chatter slowly dying off to silence as the minutes dragged on.

"Where you think he is?" a thick-accented child asked.

"Dunno. Pro'lly given detention somewhere," replied another.

Severus's heart plummeted as small, timid footsteps approached the closet. "Professor?" it was a girl. Severus hoped she wouldn't see him, but she creaked the door open enough to his hands.

"GET THE NURSE!"

Severus's head pounded by her shrill scream, and the students who didn't run off to fetch the nurse came into closet to ogle him. He would have cursed them, but he was currently frozen to the spot with his mouth hanging open. He closed his eyes, feigning unconsciousness.

_Severus was dreaming again. He felt odd though. He was sitting on Remus's bed, unscarred, and clean. He felt good too, which is something he hadn't felt in years. It was like the war had never happened, or it had ended much too happily for him._

_"I made waffles," he announced cheerfully, poking Remus in the side. Remus yawned, blinking sheepishly up at Severus._

_"What kind?"_

_"Chocolate. The coffee is ready too."_

_"Did you get the fruit?"_

_Severus's stomach dropped. How had he forgotten the fruit? What was breakfast without fruit anyway? Severus's head spun. "I'm sorry." _

_It was becoming increasingly strange for a dream. Severus knew he usually dreamt of murder, his past, monsters, and of besting James Potter at everything in life. He never had weird, life, dreams. Or whatever the hell this was._

_"I'll do something else for you since I forgot the fruit," Severus offered. He was being sweet. Severus Snape was not….sweet. He was mean, conniving, and vengeful. Not offering…dream Severus removed his clothing….sex in exchange for missing breakfast items!_

_Severus was crawling over Remus's too-warm body, straddling him with dream-ease._

_"This is not normal!" An inner voice yelled in a panicked voice. _

Severus jostled himself awake, and nearly fainted. Remus Lupin was standing over him, grinning with an amused expression slapped across his scarred face.

"Feeling better, Severus?"

Severus nearly punched him. "Better, thank you very much." Replied the man in a cold sweat.

He swallowed as the nurse entered, probably to torment him, and Lupin left.

Living with the werewolf was going to be much harder than he had thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Severus watched closely as Remus ate dinner. They had fallen into a state of awkward silence, mostly because Severus refused to hold a conversation. Now they were bound to strange, anger induced chewing and drinking.

"You don't have to be so ill with me," Remus finally said.

Severus huffed. "Like I have a choice. Nosing about and prodding in my life."

"You attempted suicide!"

"Who wouldn't?"

Remus looked down, his mouth half-full. "You could have come to one of us. You know we care—"

"Like all the caring in the world would matter! I don't want to talk about it!"

Remus watched Severus leave the table. His food had remained untouched._ That wouldn't do._ Remus called a house elf to gather the plate and deliver it.

"I don't want it," Severus snapped at the unfortunate house elf. Kreacher stared up at him steadily.

"Master Lupin says that Master Snape must eat, and so he shall." The confident elf slapped the plate of vegetables and chicken on the table. He made a _tsk_ noise, and poofed away.

"No one knows how to leave me be," Severus said into the window. He was getting nauseated at everyone's reaction to this whole thing. He had wanted peace….

"I'm going to the forest to collect herbs." Severus spat into the candlelit room.

Remus looked up from his grimoire of ancient monsters. His fair eyebrows were raised in surprised. "Are you sure you want to go out there? The centaurs are still a bit irate…"

Severus sniffed, turned on his heel, and swept from the room. A black case floated after him. "I will be fine. I may be out late tonight. Some of the ingredients only bloom around midnight."

Remus didn't like the sound of that. He didn't trust Severus with his own life anymore, and the idea of him wandering off into the forest at night sounded like a nightmare.

"I can come with you," he said.

Severus practically threw himself out the door. Remus wondered if he could have ran any faster, not that he could run very fast at all. Sighing, he sat back and decided to wait. If he wasn't back at one, he would call a man-hunt.

* * *

Severus loved the forest; although, it had haunted him. He loved the twisting of the trees, the illumination of the stars in clearings, and the otherworldly flowers that bloomed at night. He was staring transfixed at a large, blue blossom that reflected the constellations. It was not mentioned in any books he had ever read, and he had spent many hours looking for it. He had first seen it as a second year. He had been wandering through the Dark Forest looking for the Marauders. A sparkle had caught his eye, and it led him to this spot. It was deep inside the forest, away from the centaurs and spiders, but closer to other nasty things.

Severus inhaled the sweet scent, and smiled.

**_AEEEEEEE!_**

Severus practically jumped. What the hell was that? Severus's dark eyes patrolled the trees, expecting an attack. None came.

_Inspect,_ his brain rattled. Then another voice came, _RUN_.

Severus hushed the latter voice, and crept towards the cries in the dark.

Severus expected it was about 12:45 when he managed to close in on the crying. He frowned, thinking of Remus. What if the nosy wolf was waiting for him? He waved his wand, conjuring the, now famous, doe patronus.

"Tell him I'm safe."

The doe sprinted back towards the castle. Severus could no longer see the towers. That was a good thing, and a bad thing.

**_AEEEEEEE!_**

Whirling toward the cry, Severus raised his wand. "Hello?"

_**"AAAAEEEEEEE"**_

Severus swallowed. He realized the sound was of a creature in pain. Had it been attacked by a werewolf, or something else much worse?

Severus found himself walking through muck. Lumos was his only source of light at this point, and it could not penetrate the filth he was walking through. It looked like sewage of some sort. He hoped he wasn't walking into a muck pit that would drag him down to be devoured by Inferi or something.

_Don't think of unpleasant things, Severus._ He nodded to himself. _No unpleasant thoughts._

**_AAAAAAEEEEE_**

The high-pitched squeal was a death cry. Severus's heart raced. He didn't know why, but he felt like he needed to save this poor soul. He hurried onward, growing tired but unwilling to give up.

He found the source of the incessant crying just as his chest pain started to flare up. In a hollow tree, two round, silver eyes blinked at him.

"Hello?" he said.

The animal made a slurring noise, as if it wasn't sure. It didn't move as Severus approached it. It was in too much pain to. Severus's light revealed the long, thin fox-like animal. It was a confusing mix of cat and dog. He gulped at the sight of the neck though. There were things, five of them, embedded in the creatures neck and chest. He could see the tails wiggling, and the creature cried out.

"_Shhh_," he bent over the animal. He was afraid of his eyes being torn out. He looked closer at the chest of the creature and saw that they were parasites. How long they had been there, and how much damage they had done, was not determinable. Severus whistled.

The creature looked sadly past Severus. It seemed content to die, but Severus felt his heart ache for it. His heart, something made of steel, had not ached for another living creature in a very long time.

"Come along." He tried to gently handle the creature. Its limp tail hung sadly down Severus's side. The muck swamp was the hardest thing to get through. Severus cast spells and charms on them both, but the muck had tasted a human, and wanted a bite.

The creature screamed, and Severus bit his tongue as one of the parasites wiggled into its hole. It made his skin crawl. There was something painful about letting this creature suffer like this.

* * *

Remus was tired, but he wasn't going to bed until Severus got back. The doe remained in the den, watching Remus curiously. It would remain until Severus was close to the castle again. Remus wanted to send her back, and get more information. He withheld his urge, and busied himself.

Remus was grading papers when Severus burst into the room, covered in filth and stinking like shit. He had a massive black ball of fur in his arms as well, which seemed to be making strange _eee_ noises. His back shot straight up.

"Out of the way," Severus snapped. He summoned a flat table to hover in the den, and began undressing.

"What happened?"

"Found him in the woods. He's dying from a parasite infestation."

"So you brought him in here?"

Severus rolled his eyes as he summoned his medical kit. "I'm not letting this creature die in that swamp."

"I didn't know the Dark Forest had a swamp."

"The Dark Forest has what everyone fears."

Remus raised his eyes. "So you fear swamps?"

Severus's lips curled. "Only what can be found in a swamp. Particularly, a certain type of swamp. "

He wanted Remus to shut up. He didn't want to talk about much swamps and goblins, or Inferi, or dark fae. He also didn't want to bring up the incredibly good things, like the star flower.

Severus sedated the animal, and tugged at the largest parasite with forceps. Remus watched on in bewilderment. The monster parasite was strong, and tried to escape Severus's forceps by burrowing into the animal's chest. Severus quickly charmed the forceps to make them stronger, and pulled the squirming monstrosity from its dwelling. A cavern was left behind.

Severus worked for thirty minutes to extract the army of ugly. The hard-shelled beasts were thrown into a cauldron, which was then filled with acid. Remus cast away the contents as Severus slathered the young animal's emaciated body with creams. The holes were large, gaping, and puckered. The smell was horrid, of rotten flesh and infection. Severus filled them with flesh-healing potions, and poured a green potion down the animal's throat.

It was four in the morning when Severus was done with his patient, and both professors felt exhausted. Severus was wrapping the animal in magicked wrappings to keep the potion on the wounds. His slender fingers worked expertly around matted limbs.

"Where did you learn how to take care of animals?"

Severus thinned his lips. "Nowhere. Just here I guess." He didn't want Remus prying into his past. It seemed inevitable though. He ran a hand gently down one long, black ear. The animals fur was still wet from swamp, rain, and crying. His heart sank a little. It reminded him of himself.

"So when are you going to ask?"

"Ask what?" Severus turned around to leer at Remus. His back was straight, and his arms were crossed. His face was tired though, and he couldn't hide that.

"You're going to ask if we can keep him." Remus was trying not to smile. Severus sneered.

"That is not a question. We are indeed keeping him, and you can't stop me."

Remus chuckled, despite his effort not to. "Naturally. But he better not mess up my carpet."

Severus frowned. Was he going to have to train the animal? He hoped not, but knew it would be necessary. Sighing, he turned off the floor lamp, and retired to the bathroom. Sometimes a calming bath could be a good thing.

* * *

This week was painfully busy and long. I'll be off for the next three days, so I can get back to writing. That makes me very happy. I'm still writing at a snail's pace though. I know it might be odd to suddenly interrupt the progress between Severus and Remus, but in my mind that made sense. I wanted Severus to start a relationship with something that can understand his pain. I also wanted to give him a chance to love something before "loving" someone. And it would be cute for Remus to watch all that unfold.

Thanks for reading!


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